Hello all

It’s been a while since I last posted here, so I’ll give you all an update.

I’ve started a new blog at https://fearlessliketheholy.com

Inspired by Blessed Carlo Acutis and his website, it is intended to inspire and encourage my fellow Catholics in this increasingly secularized and post Christian world that emphasizes anti Christian values to persevere in and keep the Faith as the Church suffers internal problems and attacks from without.

The blog will have, as it’s core; a collection of stories of heroic Catholics, saints and regular Catholics; who did and are doing heroic things because of and for their Faith. In addition, I’ll be publishing posts on spiritual warfare, apologetics and living lives of heroic virtue and charity.

I invite you all, my non Catholic brothers and sisters too; to come, visit and follow the new blog if you’re interested.

If you would like to contribute or help in any way, please email me at ravenseidr@gmail.com

God bless and Mary keep you all.

When Gemma and I met in Real

It was September 2018 at the Manila airport when Gemma and I met in person.

It was a long 13 hour flight from the US across the North Pacific and I was tired. I was seriously feeling the jet lag. I was also a little grumpy because I gave her the wrong terminal number at which to pick me up. It was worth all the hassle when I first saw her in the flesh.

She was beautiful; waving at me and smiling in a cute and goofy way. She wore a blue dress with flowers on it. Blue is my favorite color and she knew it. I still remember how dark her skin looked in the Manila night; contrasted with the bright lights of the terminal. I love her dark brown skin tone.

It was a long journey to this point.

We met online at CatholicMatch.com in December of 2017. We both were suffering from depression when we met. We talked every night for an hour on video call and when she told me that I’m a good man, I felt like I had just come home from ‘Nam.

Most of my friends at work we’re telling me to be careful as I was going to a foreign country; the lone American among Filipinos. My sister even questioned why I was going and I told her because I love her and I trust her with my life.

The government had just retaken the city of Marawi and her home island, Mindanao; was under martial law. But, I wasn’t worried about that. It was my first flight on an airplane and it dawned on me just as I went to bed the night before the flight that I was going to go up.

Six miles high.

My main worry was if the plane was going to have trouble and just drop out of the sky.

Back to the story.

I went over to her while I was carrying an armload of bags. As I arrived, I grabbed her to hug her, tired from the flight and jet lag and just wanting to sleep; and she told me: “ Hubby ko, there’s a change of plans. “

We had planned on going to a hotel in the city after I arrived.

We’re going to her brother’s place in Papanga near what was once Clark Air Base. Now a Philippine Air Force base named Villanor.

I wasn’t too worried. A bed is a bed.

She leaned up to me to kiss me on the cheek and I thought, okay, we’re doing this; and I kissed her on the mouth.

She was shocked.

Wow, that was a powerful moment when she became real. Not just a beautiful face on my phone screen. She felt warm and soft and it was electric. It felt natural; like I was born to do this.

I’ll never forget that first kiss and first meeting.

On Repentance

I remember reading a good Catholic commentary on the book of Revelation. It was part of the series Catholic Commentary on Sacred Scripture. I remember reading in Revelation that God gives people several chances in the end times to repent before God decides to enact the final judgment.

At the end of the commentary is a section on grace and judgment.

The commentator wrote about how to balance grace and judgment in evangelization. That in Christian circles these days, there’s much talk on grace and not enough on judgment. As if talking about judgment repulses people from the Christian message.

I remember reading that repentance is the turning away from sin toward God.

This should be Catholicism 101.

Food for thought.

That people, in response to the gift of faith; should turn away from sin and work hard in their life long conversion process in order to act in ways better pleasing to God.

Philippians 2:12 says work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

This, and a grace I received; causes me to think and reflect. I’d like to share with you the fruits of this contemplation.

In my experience, repentance feels like a deep sorrow for sins and a drive to not do it anymore. The grace I received was: Focus and draw on repentance when the urge to sin comes upon me.

I know, I know. Many people these days don’t want to feel judged and many actively try to avoid anything that causes them to think and feel that God judges them for what they do. Instead, they focus on the grace and the forgiveness of God.

That’s one of the problems facing 21st century American Christianity.

For Saint Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:10 that we all come before the judgment seat of Christ for what good and evil we do in the body.

Saint James says that faith alone doesn’t save. That we have to put in the work in cooperation with God.

That means it’s imperative on us to reform ourselves and our lives to be able to stand before Christ in confidence.

Another grace I received a few months ago was the appalling sense that many people are walking straight into hell; happily chatting away with each other on the way while wearing chains led by the devil.

Meanwhile, I was trying to talk to people and tell them what was happening.

I felt an immense sadness and compassion for these people.

I don’t want to see people going to hell. That’s one reason why I’m an apologist and evangelist for the Faith. I want to save people from hell.

Here’s my point:

God judges us for what good and evil we do. If we turn to God with repentance for our sins, we receive the forgiveness and grace from God. But: We have to keep working at it and every time we sin, that we repent and work harder to do better not to sin again.

That’s why we have the Sacrament of Confession.

It’s a two punch combo, this judgment and grace.

We’re going to be judged, so we repent. When we repent, we’re forgiven. But: We must keep working at it as a continuing life long process of conversion.

That’s actually one of the many reasons why I’m Catholic. The Catholic Faith is premised on this one two punch combo backed with grace aided human effort of conversion from sin.

I can’t just believe and it’s all good. As Saint James says: Even the demons believe and shudder. The demons believe, but are they saved by this faith?

No. They don’t repent and change their ways. Thus, they are not saved.

Repentance is the basis. We have to be honestly repentant for our sins and put in the work to better please God.

I remember a homily given by Father last Sunday. In this homily, I received a grace that we must abide in God, Who is love, goodness and truth. We abide in Him and He abides in us when we walk in love, goodness and truth.

Love God and love each other as Christ loves us, people.

Please. Your eternity is riding on this.

I hope my sharing with you all will help you in your walk with Christ.

God bless you and Mary keep you all.

Some Reflections

It’s been a good weekend overall. I got to have some quality talks with Gemma and our boys and I received some graces in my own spiritual growth.

I’d say overall, it’s been a good weekend.

Gemma’s been missing me something powerful and I have too. She talked with me about how one of her ex boyfriends had sent her a long list of complaints ( after nine years of being broke up ) that ended with I love you.

Weird.

So, she wanted to know if I had any disappointments or frustrations with her and I told her no. None. She’s a wonderful and awesome woman of God.

As for the boys, I’m having fun listening to their adventures and just overall enjoying life with them. They’re ten, turning eleven this year; so they’re spending a lot of time with their friends around the apartment complex.

It’s a beautiful thing being a father. I get to provide for and raise two wonderful boys and they give my life meaning.

They and Gemma are the core of my vocation.

I’ve deepened my spiritual life; recommitting to singing the Morning and Evening Prayers of the Liturgy of the Hours and a daily Rosary.

I love praying the Liturgy and the Rosary.

I started praying the Liturgy on the advice of my priest during the lockdowns when Mass was no longer being publicly offered. I find the Liturgy, also known as the Divine Office; to be a beautiful rhythm for the day and deepens my spiritual life as I’m not just offering private prayer; I’m also saying a liturgy that’s the prayer of the Church on behalf of the Church and anyone I offer up Intercessions for.

I love the Rosary. The Rosary was the devotion that led me into the Church. It’s a prayer that helps conform me to Christ by meditating on His Life in the Mysteries.

I’ve received some really good graces in praying the Rosary. At some point, I can share them with you all.

Tonight was the Joyful Mysteries in the Rosary. I experienced a grace in which I understood why it was necessary for the Blessed Virgin Mary to be Immaculately Conceived and to be in such a powerful state of grace to be the Mother of God. I also learned how that a state of grace is necessary for me to beautify and sanctify my work as an offering to God.

I’m really looking forward to putting my spiritual growth into practice and concentrating on my vocation with Gemma and the boys.

I’m happy 😁

Thinking about vocations

We Catholics talk a lot about vocations. There are many in the Church. Holy Orders, the consecrated life of monks, friars and nuns, the married life and the single life.

All are callings from God.

Today at work, I was thinking a lot about them and mine in particular.

In Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, the villain Ego sought purpose and meaning to his existence. He found it in his Expansion concept. That was the center point of the movie’s plot.

Isn’t purpose and meaning to our lives what we’re all searching for?

I believe that’s what each man or woman’s vocation is: A purpose and meaning for their life which said man or woman was made for by God. We each have a part in God’s plan.

I know I sought meaning for my life.

After my wife divorced me, I felt so empty and meaningless. I wondered if all there was to my life was the brute day to day existence of working, paying bills and child support. Just each day, waking up and enduring a pointless existence just to repeat the process the next day. I felt the absence of family that would make it all worthwhile. I often thought of suicide.

That was a living hell.

We all need a purpose to our existence.

I wonder if this basic existential angst is a factor in a lot of problems in our society. That a lot of the anxieties, depressions and addictions come from people not knowing their purpose and they try to fill that hole with material pleasures, consumerism and post modern modes of thinking as unhealthy ways to deal with it.

In a materialistic post Christian society that has strayed away from God and tries to intellectualize Him away or worse yet rationalize what they’re doing by reading their ideas into God; I think that leaves people helpless in the face of this angst and the devil plays on this. I’m thinking the devil is having a field day in our society.

Maybe that’s the point. The devil worked it so that many people play right into his hands.

In my own case, I felt utterly alone and meaningless. When I met Gemma, she was in a depression where she felt she had no purpose. No husband, no job. Just day to day life as a Filipina single mother living at home; serving her parents in their retirement.

My youngest son feels this angst too. There were discussions I had with him in which he questioned his own existence and struggled with an apparently pointless day to day existence. I felt for him and I had to work hard to teach him to understand that he has some purpose to his life.

I taught him that God doesn’t create anything or anyone without a purpose. Everything God makes has a purpose. He just has to work with God to find the purpose for his life.

That’s another reason why I’m a pro life activist. Each human being is created by God for a purpose and to kill a child is to deny God’s plan by taking that life that God intended to do some good in the world according to His plan. Another reason why abortion is a grave moral evil.

It came into solid focus for me today: The married life is the core of my own vocation with lay ministry as an important corollary.

I serve as husband and father to my family, I serve as an usher at my parish, as an apologist/evangelist and now this upcoming Third Order Dominican thing.

Perhaps an important part of this ministry thing is that I’m to help others know that God made you good and has a purpose for you.

I’m also wondering what you all think your purpose and meaning is? Maybe we can start up a fruitful talk on the subject?

I remember one Sunday morning before Mass, I was moved to say something to my priest.

He was deeply worried about the state of affairs in the country and the Church. I could see it every time I saw him doing his devotions in the church and in a talk I had with him as I sought ways to serve my parish.

I even preached to him a little bit from Psalm 46, one of my favorite Psalms; telling him that God is on overwatch and will move when He wills.

The movement was God saying: “ You do your vocation. I got this. “ I actually used his first name alone when I told him this after Mass that morning; saying that God has a message for him through me.

I never use a priest’s first name alone. I always say Father or sir.

I’m wondering: What if that’s all that’s needed to deal with the world and all of it’s troubles? That we just find our purpose and meaning, our vocation; and concentrate on that?

My Dominican Path

Soon, I will be entering formation as a Third Order Dominican.

The Third Order Dominicans are laypeople that live according to the Rule of Saint Dominic de Guzman as laypeople. They pray the Morning and Evening Offices and a daily Rosary. Lay Dominicans support the apostolic ministry of the First and Second Orders ( Male friars brings the First and nuns the Second ) and engage in their own ministry. Which in my case, my chapter will be engaging in prison and hospital ministry as well as spiritual warfare.

I’ve been discerning which Third Order to join for some time.

At first, I looked at becoming a Benedictine Oblate. I thought the spirituality is beautiful, but it wasn’t a good fit for me. Then I looked at the Secular Franciscans. Again, same deal. The Franciscan spirituality is beautiful, but it felt too austere for me and, again; not the right fit.

I’ve been drawn to the Dominicans since I first heard of Saint Dominic de Guzman. That, and it was the Rosary that led me into the Church. I’m also a member of the Confraternity of the Holy Rosary since 2017. That’s run by the Dominicans.

I also have a deep love and appreciation for Saint Thomas Aquinas; the great 13th century Dominican theologian and philosopher who wrote the Summa Theologica, of which I have the full set on my library shelf.

The Dominican spirituality is beautiful. Prayer, Study, Community and Ministry. We pray, study and share the fruits of contemplation.

The charism of the Order is summed up in it’s name: The Order Preachers.

The essential heart of Dominican spirituality is defined by the Order’s preaching mission.

My path into the Third Order Dominicans began in 2020. I was talking with the evangelization director of my parish one night and we were sharing a talk on our vocations. She’s a consecrated woman with the vocation to the single life, devoting herself to the Lord’s work as a single woman in the secular world. I told her of my discernment of which Third Order to join and I told her that I’d join the Dominicans if I could. As at the time, the nearest Dominican lay chapter was in another state.

I live in the American Midwest.

She told me: I know a guy who’s looking to start a new chapter in our diocese. I immediately jumped at the chance and she gave me his number. I called him and we spent an hour talking and I knew I found my Third Order.

The only thing was that he was still in the process of getting the Central Provincial’s permission to start the chapter and he’d get back to me when he got the necessary permission.

A couple of days ago, he did. He said he got permission and that he asked for my email so he could email me the when of the informational meeting. I gave it to him and now I’m completely stoked.

I told Gemma about it, and about how I’m a permanent usher at my parish for the 10 am Mass. She told me that she’s proud of me. Filipinos have a beautiful devotion that I think we American Catholics would do well to emulate. She loves how devout I am; as she told me that she looked for a man who prays the Rosary, reads the Bible, has a strong devotion to Our Lady and is religious. She loves how I want to serve as many Filipino men aren’t religious and don’t want to serve.

Ever since I was received into the Church in 2016, I’ve been looking for ways to serve God and His Church.

I’ve always wanted to serve. When I was a child, I daydreamed of being in the military as my country was my god then. Now, as a Catholic; I’ve transferred that desire to serve to God and His Church. Plus, there’s always been a strong desire in me to do good in the world.

I’ll offer you all something: If you’re experiencing spiritual warfare out there and would like a listening ear and some advice, my email address is on my Contact page. Just email me and I’ll try to help as best I can. Anything you write me will be held in strict confidence like the Confessional.

Spirituality of the Mass

The Mass is the source and summit of the Catholic life. In it, the parish gathers as a community to worship God and commune with Him in the Eucharist as we hold that Jesus is present, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity; in the Communion Host.

The Mass is the beating heart of Catholic life.

The heart of Catholic spirituality is prayer. Prayer is more than just throwing petitions upward to God.

It’s an intimate conversation and relationship.

Prayer is basically a heart to heart talk with God. Sharing everything about yourself with Him.

The Mass is basically one giant prayer, with a Sacrament included; from the moment Father first says In the Name… from the beginning of Mass to just before Dismissal.

When looked at like that, the Mass is intensely spiritual. Especially when, as Vatican II says; we’re supposed to be fully intent on the Mass. Intentionally participating in and paying attention to the Mass.

In addition to the Mass being a giant prayer, there is the Eucharist. The Eucharist is the most intimate relationship imaginable. We take in Our Lord Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity into our bodies and souls and nourished by God Himself who sacrificed Himself for us that we might live forever with Him.

In essence, the Mass is all about relationship to God.

Think about it.

We pray, we worship, we sing and we hear God’s Word and Father or Deacon’s homily ( Commentary ) on the Gospel.

Notice it’s all about God and we’re relating to Him.

Then we offer gifts to God and we go into the Eucharist. In the Eucharist, we’re offering sacrifice to God with Father presiding in the person of Christ. It’s a re presentation of the one Holy Sacrifice Jesus made of Himself in an unbloody manner.

We’re participating in the eternal present of the Last Supper with Jesus offering up Himself for us.

Another way of thinking about it is like this: The liturgy of the Mass mirrors the heavenly liturgy before the throne of God. Considering that the angels and saints participate in the Mass with us, Mass is where heaven and earth meet.

I remember seeing angels during Mass at Ash Wednesday 2021.

I saw a white cloud mass of angels around Father’s head and I saw one angel, off to the side; praying with hands folded with blond hair, white robe and ( I kid you not ) folded wings.

The Mass is all about relationship with God.

It’s not just an humdrum hour and fifteen minute ritual that you have to middle through somehow.

It’s an intensely spiritual time of relationship where the God of the universe comes down into bread and wine. Transubstantiating them into His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity; for us to commune with Him in the deepest and most intimate way imaginable.

Mass is literally a gift of God where miracles happen and heaven meets earth.

Why not fully and wholeheartedly immerse yourself in the Mass?

Milites Christi

Ever since I was a kid, I identified with the military. I came from a military family: My Dad was career Air Force and my Grandpa fought in Korea. I grew up on a steady diet of war movies as a kid. I did four years in Air Force JROTC in high school.

Military and war imagery come naturally to me. My Confirmation Saint is Saint Michael the Archangel. When I was received into the Church on Easter Vigil 2016, I honestly felt like I was joining the Roman legions.

I had the honor of witnessing a Confirmation Mass for young middle schoolers. I was struck by that these kids were being told by Father that they are soldiers of Christ. ( Milites Christi in Latin )

That resonates with me as well as an image that popped into my mind as I drove to work this morning.

I was listening to my video of Fr Capodanno and it was at the part describing his battlefield actions on 4 Sept 1967; for which he posthumously received a Medal of Honor.

What I saw in my mind was an image of a soldier being walked/helped by another soldier. That is God helping the Christian in the spiritual battlefield and a very good illustration of how cooperation with God’s grace works. God is the soldier walking/carrying the other soldier and God’s Grace is the help the other soldier is receiving.

We fight our daily battles ( For me sometimes, it feels like the Omaha Beach scene in the beginning of Saving Private Ryan. ) we look to God as our source of help and strength. That God, if we cooperate with Him; will pick us up and carry us on the battlefield. Amid all the spiritual gunfire and explosions.

Persevering in the Faith is a battle. The devil throws everything he can at us to distract us and sway us and to get us to give up and give in. Or worse yet, to leave the Faith entirely. Like a soldier fleeing from the battlefield in the face of the enemy.

We have to soldier on and not desert our post. We have to hold on and advance into the teeth of the enemy; trusting in God and never leaving Him. We have to for our own sakes and for the men and women around us.

We are soldiers of Christ.

On Spiritual Warfare

Every baptized Christian has a target on their back. From the moment of baptism onward to death, every Christian is engaged in mortal combat with the devil for his or her soul. Christ saves and the devil knows this and tries hard to get baptized Christians to stray from the Faith and straight into hell with him.

He hates us and God that much.

One of the reasons why I became Catholic is because of spiritual warfare.

As a former witch, I worshipped false gods and practiced magic; opening myself up to the devil. Separated from God because of mortal sin; I suffered demonic attacks and obsessions. I’ve seen, heard and felt things that could turn someone’s hair white. For ten years, I had thought of suicide just to make it stop. It was that bad.

I don’t want anyone to suffer as I did.

Five years in the Church has done much to heal my soul and deliver me from those assaults and the suffering they caused. I believe that this experience has prepared me to help my fellow Christians in spiritual warfare.

The world likes to deny the reality of sin and that the devil doesn’t really exist. He’s only a metaphor and a symbol after all. I know for an indisputable fact that the devil and his angels are as real as a gunshot.

I know because I met them.

The world teaches us to follow our desires and satisfy them and supplies us with various means to do so while telling us it’s okay. Do what you want. Regardless of how destructive it is to your soul, your body and your relationships with God and others.

The devil uses all of this, and plays on our weaknesses; to draw souls away from Christ.

Imagine your weaknesses as weak spots in a castle wall. Saint Ignatius of Loyola teaches in the Spiritual Exercises that the devil circles around your castle walls looking for weak spots as his way into your soul.

The devil, seeing a weakness; then plays on it. Whispering suggestions into your ear, slipping ideas into your thoughts and tugging at you through your weaknesses. Trying to get you to listen to him.

Especially with addictions we see this.

The trick to resist the devil is simple. You don’t listen and you don’t engage in his ways of thinking.

Saint Ignatius of Loyola teaches us in the Spiritual Exercises a simple illustration: When sin pops up in our minds, we dismiss the thought right away. Because once you start thinking and engaging with that sinful thought, you’ve just opened yourself up to the devil. Once you start willing that sinful thought and planning to do it, and if it’s a grave matter and you know it’s wrong to do it; that’s when it becomes mortal sin.

Stay out of that thinking is the best solution to not sin.

When you’re struggling with sin, my advice is to strengthen the castle walls of your soul: Prayer, read the Bible and read spiritual writings like those of the saints are examples of how to shift your thinking out of the devil’s traps.

Romans 5:11 ( Douay-Rheims ) says: So do you also reckon that you are dead to sin, but alive unto God; in Christ Jesus our Lord.

In my understanding, this means that we must be unresponsive to the tugs of sin and responsive to God’s tugs in our souls. In Christ Jesus our Lord means, again in my understanding; that we are to remain in Christ. From faith in Christ we receive grace and that we remain steadfast in our faith in Christ; resisting the devil and being dead to sin and alive to God.

Saint James 4:7 ( Douay-Rheims ) says: Be subject therefore to God, but resist the devil, and he will fly from you.

I understand this to mean that we must remain subject to God, submissive to God; resist the devil’s tugs to stray from the Faith and the devil will flee from such a Christian.

Now, the unaided human will alone cannot resist the devil.

That’s where faith and grace come into play; for we receive grace to resist evil from our faith in Christ.

Saint Paul teaches in Ephesians 6:16 ( Douay-Rheims ): In all things taking the shield of faith, wherewith you may be able to extinguish all the fiery darts of the most wicked one.

This I understand to mean that we must take up our faith, and remain in it; to put out the fiery darts the devil shoots at us to sin. Faith is a shield that protects us from the devil’s lies and manipulations.

Draw on your faith and ground yourself in it.

When we sin, and we all do; we have the Sacrament of Confession. Go to your priest and confess your sins and your temptations. Frequent Confession is really good for your soul.

Confession saves souls.

Father Gabriele Amorth, when he was alive; was the chief exorcist of Rome. He had said that, as an exorcist he saves the body but the priest in the confessional saves souls.

Go to Father and confess every time you need it.

I know I do.

For my non Catholic brothers and sisters, I’ll suggest this: Repent immediately of your sins and ask God to help you do better. The penitent soul that seeks God will helped.

But, I’ll always counsel to swim the Tiber to Rome. 😉 It did me plenty of good.

In closing, dear readers; I hope I’ve done some good for souls in the battle against the enemy of all humankind.

God bless you and Mary keep you.

Happy Saint Joseph the Workman!

Today is a beautiful day at work in my part of the world. The sun is shining, it’s warm with not too much of a breeze.

Today, I’ve experienced a lot of graces about faith.

How it’s the basis of everything in my life and how I can calm my mind and just chill. Knowing that everything’s going to be okay. How to just relax and master my mind and passions to where they’re subject to faith while I just go about my day acting in accordance with my Faith.

It even extends to my interactions with other people and all the troubles going on in the world.

I also had a nice conversation with an atheist on r/Catholicism; helping him to clear up some misunderstandings and allay his fears about the place of the Church and state.

I’ve also been thinking of my family and how I just relax and just be with them. I can do my part to relieve the tension and pray for them.

I don’t have to discuss politics and religion with them and that’s okay.

It’s been a really good day so far and I’m thankful for all the graces I’ve received today so far.

Thank You, Heavenly Father.